Pleasureman

by David Jeffries An album as glorious as it is disposable, Pleasureman is a slick piece of Eurotrash that answers burning questions like "What would it sound like if John Holmes fronted la Bouche?" and "What would it be like if Dirk Diggler had gone club instead of hair metal?" What "I'm Too Sexy" was to the '90s, "Ding Dong Song" is to the 2000s, at least in Europe, where Günther's ode to that funny tingle down there ("Oooooh, you touch my Tra-La-La/My ding, ding dong") unseated Crazy Frog as the king of novelty club hits, ringtones, and all that is sparkling Euro-cheese. Course, Günther is more ironic than Crazy Frog, although there's no audible smirking and the irony is buried so deep, it's easy for the listener to unashamedly don the headphones and channel all the machismo the universe holds. Most of the tracks brilliantly mimic mainstream Euro-dance with Günther offering seductive and suggestive spoken word on top, along with a heaping helping of guttural "mmmmmmm"s and "ahhhhhhh"s (example: "It's you and me/And piña colada/Mmmmm!/Ahhhhhh!"). His faceless and luminous background singers the Sunshine Girls deliver the sugary melodies and there are a whole lot of castanets and references to tan lines, vacations, and "hot, hot summer love." Oddball of the lot is "One Night Stand," an electroclashy stomper that wouldn't be totally out of place on DJ Hell's International Deejay Gigolo Records, but Pleasureman works best when it shoots for the top of the charts with worthy "Ding Dong" follow-ups like "Tuttifrutti Summerlove" and "Teeny Weeny String Bikini." If you have any doubts that this is the best that camp-dance has to offer, know that the legendary Samantha Fox makes a guest appearance on the cover version of her career-defining "Touch Me." This ain't Viagra, it's Spanish Fly, or as Günther says, "It's a no-no/And you'll like it."