文本歌词

Ernie(The Fastest Milkman In The West)(Complete version originally performed by Benny Hill) - Various Artists (欧美群星)
You could hear the hoof beats pound
As they raced across the ground
And the clatter of the wheels
As they spun round and round
And he galloped into market street
His badge upon his chest
His name was ernie
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west
Now ernie loved a widow a lady known as sue
She lived all alone in liddley lane
At number twenty
They said she was too good for him
She was haughty proud and chic
But ernie got his cocoa
There three times every week
They called him ernie (ernie)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west
She said she'd like to bathe in milk
He said all right sweetheart
And when he'd finished work
One night he loaded up his cart
He said you want it pasturize
Cause pasturize is best
She says ernie I'll be happy
If it comes up to my chest
That tickled old ernie (ernie)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west oh
Now ernie had a rival an evil looking man
Called two ton ted from teddington
And he drove the baker's van
He tempted her with his treacle tarts
And his tasty wholemeal bread
And when she seen the size
Of his hot meat pies
It very near turned her head
She nearly swooned at his macaroon
And he said If you treat me right
You'll have hot rolls every morning
And crumpets every night
He knew once she sampled his layer cake
He'd have his wicked way
And all ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day
Poor ernie (ernie)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west oh
One lunch time ted saw ernie's horse
And cart outside her door
It drove him mad to find it was still
There at half past four
And as he lept down from his van
Hot blood through his veins did course
And he went across to ernie's cart
And didn't half kick his orse
Whose name was trigger (trigger)
And he pulled the fastest milk cart in the west
Now ernie rushed out into the street
His gold top in his hand
He said If you wanna marry susie
You'll fight for her like a man
Oh why don't we play cards for her
He sneeringly replied
And just to make it interesting
We'll have a shilling on the side
Now ernie dragged him from his van
And beneath the blazing sun
They stood there face to face
And ted went for his bun
But ernie was too quick things
Didn't go the way ted planned
And a strawberry flavoured yogurt sent
It spinning from his hand
Now susie ran between them
And tried to keep them apart
And ernie he pushed her aside
And a rock cake caught him underneath his heart
And he looked up in pained surprise
And the concrete hardened crust
Of a stale pork pie caught him
In the eye and ernie bit the dust
Poor ernie (ernie)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west
Ernie was only fifty two he didn't wanna die
And now he's gone to make deliveries
In that milk round in the sky
Where the customers are angels
And ferocious dogs are banned
And the milkman's life is full of fun
In that fairy dairy land
But a woman's needs are many fold
And soon she married ted
But strange things happened
On their wedding night
As they lay in their bed
Was that the trees a rustling
Or the hinges of the gate
Or ernie's ghostly gold tops a rattling in their crate
They won't forget ernie (ernie)
And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west